“This month was a complete wash…I feel like I took so many steps backwards.”
Two thoughts and expressions of discouragement as I settled into bed one night. I felt frustrated.
I have spent the past 4-4.5 weeks physically unable to maintain a pace that I am accustomed to. As sleep escaped me, I thought that night about what I had done during those 4-4.5 weeks: I rested… A LOT. I took care of Ella and myself. I did the bare minimum and I survived.
As my thoughts and mind kept me from a dreamlike state, I realized that the month of April was not a wash. It was a shift in focus of goals and a time to tend to what I physically needed.
Instead of my goal being the business and my fitness, my body forced me to focus on the goal of growing this baby inside of me.
Stop running so much.
Stop waking up every morning at 0500.
Stop going until you break.
Stop staying up late to work.
It’s time to rest.
It’s time to bunker down and reign it in to care for the massive biological process going on. I struggled with this… can you believe it?! Surprise, surprise. Me, someone who is so accustomed to achieving, going, growing, and progress struggled with a slowed pace and unseen progress.
“We saw a heartbeat this month, to me.. that wasn’t a wash,” he said to me as I expressed my discouragement towards the pause of growth for the business and myself.
He’s right. These past few weeks have simply been a shift in focus of my goals. What was more important was resting, listening to my body and settling in. That’s not a wash. That’s not moving backwards. It’s self awareness. It’s self care. It’s progress.